I'm back!! For Gracie!!

I know, I know...it doesn't seem real that I am actually posting a blog, but here I am. Things have been a bit nuts around here and that is actually why I am taking a moment to post. My little Gracie baby has been under the weather a few times since I last posted and just recently had quite a bout with pneumonia. When she started showing signs of difficulty breathing at her grandma Jan's house a couple weeks ago I rushed her back to the Dr. only to find out that her pneumonia was not gone and that she was now needing to be on a breathing machine at home as well as another big antibiotic (this was the 3rd one...when she had originally been diagnosed with the pneumonia they had used 2 because it was a bad case). The Dr. that she was that day was fairly concerned and wanted her followed up later that week with her regular pediatrician. I didn't think much of it thinking it would just be a normal follow up to make sure everything was going well with the breathing machine and such. Well, when we went in to that appointment, her Dr. said he could definitely hear the pneumonia still and that he is concerned something more is going on and causing all of this and that he would like to speak to some specialists but that he would like to do further testing to see if she has Cystic Fibrosis "or something else...worse" underlying that is preventing her lungs from being able to heal properly. Right now, she has a loose diagnosis of lung disease...but I guess that could all change in the next few weeks as we go through testing?? It is just so hard to imagine this all with my sweet little spunky Gracie. She is so tiny but yet so full of life and excitement. I myself am trying to stay as positive as I can and not thinking of any other possibilities other then just what she already has. We already have to take precautions with her lungs and she is missing out on Trick-or-Treating tonight because of the weather and because her immune system just isn't quite up to par and we just can't risk it...that isn't too much fun for a 4 year old.
Anyways...sorry for carrying on...I needed somewhere to put all of this down and I know someday I will appreciate having my very raw emotions written...
Gracie Jane, Mommy Loves you sooooo much, and I along with many other people are praying for you every day! I know how strong you are and I know, no matter what, things will be ok! I love you, Baby Girl!!

*:{The Grinch}:*

Here it is 9 days before Christmas and I have yet to put up a Christmas tree. What you say? Is this the same Rebecca you know? I know, it just doesn't seem right. Usually I am the first one with the tree up even before Thanksgiving but this year is a little different. This year, I really don't have any Christmas spirit. What is interesting is that I can't force myself to *get* any either. I remember as a child my brother Doug and I just brimming with Christmas spirit, the two of us just loved everything about the season. Every time it snowed we would just glow with joy, we couldn't be happier.

But this year it is different, at least for me. My Christmas spirit just isn't here. Early in November we were informed that ViaWest (Nate's employer) would be letting him go and immediately we knew things we going to get tough. ViaWest paid out his vacation and gave him 2 weeks severance which helped a tiny bit, but he has been out of work now for about 6-7 weeks. Unfortunately, as I am sure this would be for any family, this has been very stressful for us and with my fragile health...I am struggling. I think this is the cause of my lack of Christmas spirit and my lack of desire to have much to do with Christmas in general. I am trying to force myself to do it for my girls...they deserve it and it is important to them.

We are hopeful though. Nate has been amazing at networking and getting his resume out to people in the field and has had several companies show interest in him. One in particular he will be interviewing with later today for his 3rd interview. This will be a face to face interview. He has already had two phone interviews and both of those went very well! So, please if you read this say a prayer for him! We really really need this to come through. (Plus, he promised me dinner at Tucci's as soon as he gets a job, and I am really craving a Calzone Bianco! Love you babe!)

3 AM

It all started with my sister in laws status on facebook. It said something along the line of "I love how quite my house is after I put everyone to bed and everyone is asleep." I immediately agreed. I immediately felt as if someone knew why it is that sometimes I love to sneak downstairs after everyone in my house is indeed tucked safely into their bed to sit in my recliner to just 'sit' and reflect on my day or to write in my journal, or to do other things such as clean up the house. I was once told that I chose odd hours of the day to do household chores. Perhaps I do. But, I find that the quite hours of the night to be particularly enjoyable, maybe because they are the hours when I am not trying to spend every moment soaking up time spent with my girls, or maybe that is the time when my body finally has enough energy to allow me to work, who knows? Whatever it may be, here it is again, 3 o'clock in the morning, the night before a garage sale is scheduled to begin...after which I have spent 2 days in misery with a terrible migraine headache...I pray that I may be sustained through this ordeal. (Forgive me all of you out there who want pictures...sweet Gracie has taken my camera...but I will find it soon, I promise!!!)

I am ready to cry...

Where to begin?? Life is anything but easy right now. This week my patience has been tried much past what I thought I could handle and although I am still here, I don't feel like I am surviving the stress well. I don't want to go into too many details on here but unfortunately a friendship of mine is ending after a misunderstanding but with that there has come a great amount of stress an anguish on my part. I don't like to cause anyone else pain, but now that I am married and have kids, they have to come first and they are the most important people in my life. I often take things personally, especially interpersonal relationships so this has been VERY difficult on me, but I am hoping when this is all said and done I can move on and put it behind me. I am ready to cry...

On Thursday,as we were getting ready to go to the doctor our car wouldn't start. Okay...so no big deal right? Dead battery? WRONG...we had power to the car, the radio worked, all the dash lights etc worked. I immediately went into full blown panic. Alright, I know...maybe a little premature there, but I did. The reason? Back in April more than $1200 was spent on the car getting it back in working order...I started seeing numbers adding up like the national deficit in my head. Well, luckily we are borrowing a second car from Nate's parents right now and we were able to use that to get to the doctor. I am ready to cry...

After we got home Nate went down stairs and said there was a problem...the air conditioner was leaking. The connection between the condenser and a PVC pipe was completely corroded and eaten away needing to be replaced. So, the air conditioner was turned off. We have a home warranty on our house so we called first thing Friday morning to file a claim and the first thing we found out was that our warranty does not cover air conditioning units. So, we called a few more places to come out. In the meantime, the air conditioning must stay off while it is 95-100 degrees outside and I have migraines from the heat. When the company got here they told us it was going to cost us $6,000 for them to revamp a whole new system. I am ready to cry...

I do have one reason to be very very grateful. My incredible mother in law came down yesterday as well as today and helped me clean and get my house in order. With my health the way it is, it is very difficult for me to work for hours at a time to get my house in tip top shape, and she is an amazing organizer. Plus, I really enjoy spending the time with her. She is very good with my girls and they adore her. It feels so wonderful to sit here this evening knowing that our Big Room, (where our family spends most of our time together) Annie's Room, Gracie's Room,the girls bathroom and the Kitchen are all clean. Next Saturday my mother in law and I are going to be doing a garage sale as well to clear out some of the stuff that we cleaned up here today so I am excited!! That will be the icing on top of the cake for us!.....Now, just to get all these other things resolved and taken care of!! We need our car back!! We actually need a 2nd car TERRIBLY!!......and I CAN NOT live in this house much longer without an air conditioner, so any prayers would be appreciated...sorry for being so blatant and asking, but I am desperate at this point...I am still ready to cry...

What's in a Name??

It all started 50 years ago...Well that's at least when it officially started. May 19, 1959. Reese J Goodwin married Charlotte Ann Owen and shortly thereafter began a family. It was 20 years before I came to join the family almost to the day, and now 30 years later, my mom and dad have made it to their Golden Anniversary.

This is an event my 3 siblings and I have been looking forward to for several years, and had been actually planning since around Thanksgiving 2008. The four of us knew we wanted this to be outstanding, something that would honor our parents in a way that they would know not only how much we love them, but how many other people not only love them, but honor them for the lives they have lead.

The party was great and we were so excited to be able to host it at my parents home. Their home has been such an accomplishment in their life. They are most happy when they are at home, and especially when they are working in the yard. While we originally planned for the party to be outdoors, we changed plans and did it indoors where we were able to show the video that was made (by my brother Greg) that chronicled the story of their lives as well as keep any weather worries at bay.

It was such an honor to be apart of such an incredible evening. My parents are amazing people that have lead their lives in a manner that would impress just about anyone. I can't even count how many times people came up and told either me or one of my siblings how nice it was for us to do this for our parents, and honestly we never felt that way. We felt like it was an honor for us to be able to throw the party, like we were the ones who had been blessed so much to have such amazing parents that it was the least we could do to show them how much other people admire and love them.

About 2 years ago I stumbled across a small porcelain box that had 2 gold rings and the word fifty underneath and knew immediately I was going to keep the box to give as a gift to my parents for this special event. Ever since I was about 16 I have had a small box with the words "wonderful things" written on top. Every few weeks I sit down and think of a few things that I am grateful for, or things that I just simply love. I write simple phrases on small pieces of paper and put them in that box and there they remain, until the next time I add more "wonderful things" or until I need a small reminder of the good things in life. When I saw this porcelain box I knew exactly what I was going to use it for. So, Nate cut out some cards using my new paper cutter and I made "50 Things" all about Reese and Charlotte Goodwin. They were a mix of memories, and qualities I love about them.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, we didn't have a professional photographer at the party to take new family pictures (and we haven't taken an actual family picture other than wedding pictures since before I got married...I know sad isn't it??) but here are a few that we took with our own cameras...I was happy to be able to get a picture with all my siblings as well as get a couple cute shots of the girls with some of their cousins!

Trying to stay positive

Things in my neck of the woods are a bit rough lately. I am trying desperately to take care of some personal issues that have been needing wrapped up for quite some time, and I have been avoiding them. I haven't know just how to deal with them and I kept hoping that either someone else would do it for me or they would just go away. But, unfortunately when you become an adult life has a way of throwing things at you that you have to learn to handle. And how you deal with them is how you grow and how you learn. This has been really hard for me and I have been struggling for literally weeks now, with that gut-renching feeling. I am really hoping that things with this particular situation are on the mend, but I am not completely sure as of yet. I am still kind of in the middle of everything and certainly have not had the weight lifted off my shoulders...and am really praying for a quick resolution to this whole problem.

My health continues to be a problem, as it has for almost a year now. We have been searching for answers since the end of May 2008 as to why I am having such terrible abdominal pain and have come up with nothing. I met with a surgeon today and may end up having some surgery to just "see" if they can visualize a problem. I am not all that excited about the possibility of going to surgery, but I can't keep doing this day in and day out. I am a mother of 2 amazing little girls who are missing out on their mom because I am in pain all the time and can't give them all the attention they deserve to go out and enjoy life like they should. I really need to find some answers to this, so if going to surgery will help find the answers, then I will go to surgery.

New Member of the Family

After much deliberation, we have added a new member to our family!! Meet Roxie!! She is a mix of Staffordshire Terrier (a cousin of Pit Bull) and German Shepherd (we think)...So far, Annie and Gracie LOVE her and she LOVES them.

I have had a lot of concerns about getting a puppy...among them having a puppy inside the house, potty training, keeping the house clean enough that the puppy wouldn't eat any toys or shoes and things of the like. She is a sweetheart, loves to lick (and I am not the biggest on getting puppy kisses) and snuggle.

Hopefully, she will be a good fit for our family and we will enjoy her and she will enjoy us. I still feel a little unsettled having her (I never had dogs as pets...so this is new for me) but Nate is really excited to have her and thinks that she will be a good addition for everyone in the family.

Irish Dancing Queen

I was hoping to get some pictures to put up with this post but for some reason my pictures did not turn out and I haven't received the pictures taken by anyone else yet, so I guess as soon as I get the pictures I will post them.

When Annie was 2 years old we went to Festival of Trees. Gracie was only 2.5 months old at the time and after a few hours enjoying all of the beautiful trees I needed to feed her. Luckily, we found some seats at the rear of one of the stages in between performances. Little did we know that the act that was about to take the stage was going to change our oldest daughters life forever. Soon after I began feeding Gracie, the Claddagh School of Irish Dance began to perform and Annie's eyes were glued to the stage. Within moments she darted up several rows to the front and began imitated the dancers every move. For the next 30 minutes while the Irish Company continued their performance Annie continued her imitation right along with them. When the Claddagh School was complete Annie was intrigued and wanted to know how she could learn to dance just like the girls she had seen on stage. Being that Annie was quite young at the time, I was surprised at her interest. I blew her off a little, thinking with time she would forget. Boy, was I wrong. Not a week went by that I didn't hear how much she wanted to be an Irish Dancer. I finally contacted the Claddagh Dance Company only to find out that she had to be at least 4 years old before they would accept her into classes, so we would have to wait for awhile.

The day finally came when Annie would be old enough to actually be able to participate and when I called the Claddagh Dance Company I found that there was another Irish Company closer to home, in Cedar Hills. So, Annie began her Irish classes in September 2008 with the Shelley School of Irish Dance. It has been a dream come true for Annie. One that I as her mother am constantly amazed about, because I remember so well the first day she saw and fell in love with Irish dance.

Last Friday, April 3, 2009 Annie had the opportunity to participate in her first performance in front of an audience. We were so proud of her. We invited all of our family and everyone that could come did. Annie did her dance so well, and didn't even want to leave the stage. After her dance was over she was able to come back out into the audience to sit with her family and enjoy the rest of the show and when she did she asked her dad, "Daddy, do you think I will be able to get one of those pretty dresses and wigs someday?" If you know much about Irish Dance you know that as they get a little further on in performing they actually wear a wig (full of ringlets -- much MUCH easier than putting their hair up with each performance) and a VERY detailed dress. She was so excited to be a part of Irish Dance and being able to showcase her new skills in her first performance obviously lit a flame within her soul for this sport. I shouldn't say just now lit that flame...because that is what amazes me about her. She has had that flame lit ever since she saw the Claddagh Dance Company perform at Festival of Trees when she was just 2.

I really have an amazing daughter. Her love of her dance is not the only thing that is amazing about her. She told me the other day that when Jesus comes back to earth she is going to have her daddy drive her around in the car until she can find Him so she can bring Him back to our house and she will bring Him up to my bed...because then He will make me better. Amazing, isn't it? She says things like this quite often and really makes me grateful for such a wonderful daughter!

Kindergarten Check-up

When I was a child I don't remember having to go to the doctor for a Kindergarten check-up...I am pretty sure that all we had to do was just sign up saying that we wanted to go and we were in. Now a days I have to take my kids in and they have to make sure they are safe and healthy before they are allowed to go into kindergarten.

Well that blessed day arrived for my little Annie last Friday. I had kind of worried about this day coming and so to be somewhat prepared I asked my sister to come along. We got there a few minutes early but they were ready for us and took us right back.

Annie was not having any of this visit and immediately had a fit just as they wanted to take her weight (she really is a girl) and continued while they tried to get her blood pressure and temperature. The next "station" as they called them was where they pricked their finger to get some blood to test their iron level. As soon as Annie saw what they were going to do to her she flipped completely out. It took everything I had to hold her down and they had to call two other nurses in to keep her from hurting them. They decided they had to do it in her toe so she couldn't clinch her fist and cause any problems...By this time I was calling my sister begging her to hurry and get there because I desperately needed her...and thank heavens she was there in the waiting room so I went out to get her.

From there the Dr. came in and did the exam and everything was ok until he said that Annie needed 4 shots!! We had already had a traumatic day as it was and now we had to add 4 shots on top? So, this time, Laura (my sis) and I had to hold her arms and head down while the nurse held her legs and she got 4 shots in her legs...nearly killed ME...I felt so bad...for putting her through all of that even though I knew it was for her good I took her to Build a Bear and let her get a new animal.

After she got her build a bear I thought things would settle down a bit because she felt better about everything but the shots made her really sick so she woke up in the middle of Friday night with a very high fever and crying in pain. I felt so bad for the poor girl...thank heavens she is now....KINDERGARTEN READY!!!

P.S. Is she really that old? It really hasn't been that long since she was born has it?

My New Toy!!

Man, I am super terrible at keeping up with this blogging thing and quite frankly that surprises me considering how much I like to write but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my computer is not in the best location in the house. I, however, just scored myself a tiny little ideapad 10 inch laptop that makes these kind of things so much easier!!

I also just recently got myself addicted to Facebook. Man, I have found so many old friends on there it is fantastic. It is truly a great place to be able to go to and meet up with old classmates and friends you haven't spoken to for years. I have found people that I haven't seen in more than half my life and it seems like just yesterday since we spoke. I LOVE it!! So, any of you who think you are too good for Facebook (you know who you are) get over it and come join the fun. Really...if you don't do it for yourself do it for all the friends who are looking for you!